The lighter side of being an allergy mum: 10 things I now know

 I've been an 'allergy mum' for a little over 2 years, and in that time we've dealt with what feels like so much. However - and no one prepares you for this - it just keeps coming. Things to learn, to teach Harry to manage himself (and that's a whole post in itself), new allergens, attitudes of others - be they people who mean well, or people who just don't get it. And I don't think at that appointment on the 25th November 2014 I really understood that. It was such a relief to have a diagnosis that didn't involve me being a rubbish mum that it didn't cross my mind that this was something that was going to continue growing far, far beyond excluding dairy and soya from my diet. That sounds terrible doesn't it? But aside from supporting Guides with food allergies (which I always took seriously - but, as we oh so often joke, I get to give them back at 8.30pm) I had really had no idea of the road we were heading down.

Anyway, I thought today I'd post a slightly tongue in cheek view of what we've encountered and learned thus far...

1. Cutlery, crockery, glassware, sippy cups - HOW many do you go through? I've always been hot on food hygiene, but me and potential cross contamination are not friends. Everything gets washed in the dishwasher on the hot setting. Chopping boards, knives, wooden spoons and spatulas all head that way if I'm in the least bit unsure. Whilst most of what we have in the house is safe - M and I do have dairy ourselves, more often than not, when Harry's not around. With the exception of milk in tea that is, no alternative milk has ever managed to make a proper cuppa.

2. There is nothing more likely to have me demonstrate my (non existent) athleticism, hurdling chairs and toys at playgroup in a bid to remove a stray biscuit from Harry's line of sight. Not a drop of grace is present in any of my limbs as I fling myself between Harry and the offending objects. And while we're talking about that...

3. Food in soft play, playgrounds etc. How often I want to be wildly unreasonable, and remove biscuits, chocolate, pretty much anything gripped in another toddler's sweaty paws before they're allowed to smear or spread said item around the play area. I know it's unreasonable, I do, I really do. But sometimes it would be nice to just be able to relax a bit.

4. It's not just nut allergies! From our standpoint - schools, nurseries, playgroups etc... all 'get' nut allergies. Which is awesome. If you have a nut allergy. We don't. Add to which a non-instant, reaction and I feel a bit like my explanations are falling on deaf ears.

5. People don't always have just one one food allergy. Lady in the cafe it's great that you can cater for someone who has either a dairy, egg, soya, strawberry or sesame allergy. But we have them all, and you can't do that. Which is fine, but then let me give my son his packed lunch.

6. And while we're at it a gluten free option is fabulous - it's not the same as a dairy free one! Which is also not the same as a lactose free one, although I'll let you have that as they're so similar.

 7. There are some fabulous sources of calcium that aren't dairy based - but sardines and kale aren't up on Harry's favourite food lists - of course they aren't, why would they be?! So I spend hours on the internet, with recipe books, and pottering around in the kitchen trying to find palatable ways of hiding foods that will help him. It's not that he's a particularly fussy eater - he's just a toddler and if the day has a y in it, he'll find something different that's not being eaten today, despite being last week's food of choice. Peas, I'm looking at you.

8. The trials of allergy testing - in our PCT, until the age of 3, allergies are tested via so called 'Challenges' - you either try your child on something with a small amount of said allergen in, and build up to foods with greater quantities of that allergen. Basically, as a mother, I get to potentially give my child a food I spend most of the rest of my time avoiding for him, in order to challenge his allergy. There is little I enjoy less.

9. And I know I'm going to alienate a HUGE amount of people here, but some of those food writers- you know the ones, heavy on the use of buzzwords like wellness, clean eating, healthful and nourishing - who talk about intolerances because dairy makes them a bit bloated, or gluten is acidic, or sugar the devil... whatever the current default is. Those people make life SO hard for anyone with an actual food allergy by making them seem faddy and in turn making others take them less seriously. As soon as you see the heavenwards glance, the unsubtle eye roll, the sigh of despair when asking if there's soya in bread, it's time to leave. Because whilst you know it'll give your toddler eczema that bleeds through his pyjamas, projectile vomiting and nappies like something out of The Exorcist - that's not what people think of any more. And I know that some people have found a more balanced lifestyle following that kind of eating, but for us and so many families like us food allergies aren't about posting heavily edited photos of us doing headstands in the golden morning light. It's so that we don't see our child writhing in pain, we don't watch them come up in the hives that we're told can precede anaphylaxis, we don't want to have to prop their cot up so that the burning acid reflux stays in their tummy.

Well that one wasn't so lighthearted was it. Oops.

10. And the combination of pride, sadness and confidence when your toddler can say no to a biscuit because it might make him "poorly" or tells a friend he can't have "sova, mik, 'trawberries,egg" For me, that moment was at once heartbreaking and reassuring. And he can also now tell you that if Mummy gets bitten by a bee she needs her epi-pen.

And much like my post on 10 things I've learned in 21 months of breastfeeding, I couldn't just leave this at 10...

11. Having said all of the above - the utter joy at an evening on Pinterest discovering wonderful recipes (that you may or may not ever make) that are safe for your child is wonderful. The moments when you can tell that the allergen has finally left their system and finally breathe a sigh of relief. The weigh ins at the baby clinic when you're told that your tot has finally put on weight, or is finally tracking a centile line. The joy of finding a safe food or recipe that your child inhales. The relief when a mum from NCT or a playgroup leader goes out of their way to be inclusive and ensure there's a safe alternative to whatever food the other children are eating. There is a litany of small moments that as an allergy mum bring me joy, restore my faith in other people and make this whole journey we're on seem manageable, feel less isolating, and give me the confidence to keep on keeping on.

I'm adding this post to Free From Fridays this week, over at Le Coin de Mel

The reality of life with allergies: when, yes, a little does hurt

Sometimes I think that my online bright & breezy persona where it seems that Harry's allergies are entirely managed is somewhat disingenious.  For the most part they are, we have safe foods - which can be as specific as one brand of one product that doesn't cause a reaction, yet another will. We have safe places to eat if we're out and about. We have safe activities to do, and groups to go to. Yet, over the last couple of weeks I have fallen foul of my confidence (over confidence perhaps) in our lives.

Over the last month - 6 weeks or so, I've noticed the return of Harry's reflux; his sleep has been interrupted, he wakes early, and during the day you can hear it. Initially I put it down to the end of a virus, then a rotten cold, but the last few weeks have seen it getting worse. Then last Saturday we had a massive gastro-intestinal reaction and part of me broke. None of my carefully planned meals, recipes, dairy free spreads, cooking nearly everything from scratch and helicopter-like supervision had been enough and my baby was suffering from that.

Like any and all mums would, I blamed myself. I still do. I could have done better, kept him safer, been more vigilant. Only you know what? I don't think I could and this has been a massive learning experience for me. Harry is nearly 2 and a half, he's into EVERYTHING, as he should be. I don't wrap him in cotton wool or bubble wrap, I let him run, jump, explore, play and learn. And I strongly believe that's right, that I should, that he needs those experiences. I just wish, hope and pray that I can keep him safe.

We think we've identified one source of the reactions, the first being that our lovely volunteer at creche totally understood my explanation of "no milk, none whatsoever" but hadn't grasped, or I hadn't explained clearly that there is milk in biscuits, so my son had been gleefully inhaling a malted milk on a Friday morning. Of course he would - he's two and not allowed biscuits very often. It must have felt like Christmas! I'm not cross, it's just one of those things where people do misinterpret the severity of an allergy that doesn't cause anaphalyxis.  Whilst not the problem for us here, there is of course the perception that as the reaction is neither immediate, nor visual it's less serious and therefore a little won't hurt. It does. It really does.

The second reaction is proving harder to identify, I initially thought it was also biscuit related and that a product I'd thought to be dairy, egg and soya free was actually a may contain. But I checked with the brand and the recipe's not changed. So we've either been caught out by one of our 'safe' may contains - foods that themselves don't contain the allergen you're looking for, until they do. Until there's an incident of cross-contamination. Until their production line is changed. And my misplaced confidence  that they were safe then becomes just that. Misplaced. But, as we don't eat a great deal in the way of processed food, I can't actually identify what it might be. Which is leading us to the conclusion that it may, in fact be a new allergen. And at that point my heart fell. Is this what life is going to be? Every few years finding new allergens, while those around me tell me that 'he'll grow out of them by the time...' he starts nursery/ school/ university?

It's also raised for me the issue of nursery - it's less than a year until Harry gets his free hours, and I'd like to send him to nursery as a preparation for Reception. He's already a lovely, social boy, but I think the structure of a day or two in a nursery environment would be useful.  My years working in social care have meant that I sat down this morning and put together an Allergy focused One Page Profile. I've attached it as a Google document so you're welcome to download and use it yourself or share it with other friends or family that might find it useful. I'll certainly be sharing it with Guiding groups, as for volunteers who often don't get Allergy awareness training I suspect it'll be a useful resource. 

And now the reaction has reduced with 'just' the reflux remaining, it's time for me to stand up, dust myself down and carry on. I can't keep Harry at home with me all the time, and realistically I won't always be able to monitor everything he eats or drinks. Certainly if he doesn't grow out of his allergies I'm expecting a time when he'll challenge me on what he can and can't eat. But for now, with our recent experience fresh in my mind, I'm moving forwards with a renewed fervour that yes, a little does hurt. Be it one malted milk, one gingerbread man... it does, as we know only too well.

I'm adding this to #FreeFromFridays hosted this week by The Free From Farmhouse

Bread in the bread maker and Cow's Milk Protein Allergy

Six months ago I wrote about Cow’s Milk Protein Allergy and bread. At the time, borne purely of frustration at not being able to find bread which didn't change its recipe as soon as Harry got used to it, I started using my Panasonic breadmaker again.  I was given it for Christmas 10 years ago and I am still happily using it weekly. The security and peace of mind it gives me knowing exactly what is in each loaf is priceless. Of course I could make bread by hand, and for many years I also did. However daily life with a toddler does not lend itself to peaceful 10 minute kneads, followed by a leisurely prove by a radiator (living in a draughty Edwardian house, that's the only sure fire way to make my bread rise) This way I can pop the ingredients in the breadmaker before bed, so that there is a loaf ready for breakfast. It really is such an easy way to ensure Harry’s safety and wellbeing and to maintain the illusion of being an organised wife and mother. 

That is not to say that we never buy bread, I’m good, but I’m far from perfect. At the moment we tend to rely on Waitrose Essential wholemeal loaf  Aldi crumpets and their Fruit loaf as our standby dairy, soya and egg free bread products. Whilst I’m happy to recommend these today, if you are thinking of picking them up and are catering for either your own allergies or those of a family member, please read the label. We’ve been caught out recently by a loaf we’ve bought multiple times in the past only to find on arriving home that the recipe has changed. For any other customer this would not be noticed, for us it could cause Harry a lot of pain. Fortunately in my new be-spectacled state I noticed before I sleepily aimed slices at the toaster, but I could have easily overlooked that essential double check. Something I've got used to not doing because I'm making my own and am safe in the knowledge that I know what I'm working with. 

Over the past 6 months I’ve made dairy free, enriched fruitbread as well as my usual white and wholemeal loaves in the breadmaker. Out of the bread maker (following my day at River Cottage)I’ve made lots of soda bread and flatbread. It is safe to say the my son loves carbs, especially those in bread form. Preferably with humous. Lots of humous. Which he shares with anything and everything within a 6 foot radius of his highchair.

Last time I wrote about bread and CMPA I included my staple recipe for a 50:50 wholewheat loaf, whilst this hasn’t changed, I’ve made it a slightly easier to work with printable below.

print recipe

50/50 Wholewheat bread

by Penelope Reader December-06-2015

A dairy free, soya free, breadmaker friendly recipe

Ingredients

• 200g Wholewheat flour
• 200g Strong white flour (include a little extra for dusting)
• 1 tsp Fast acting yeast
• ½ tsp Salt
• 1 tbsp Olive oil
• 280ml Warmish water

Instructions

1. Put the yeast in the breadmaker tin, top this with the remainder of the dry ingredients 2. Add the oil and water 3. Select sandwich loaf cycle (and if you are me, go to bed)

Details

Prep time: 5m Cook time: 5h 0m Total time: 5h 5mYield: 1 Loaf

This post has been sponsored by Panasonic. All content and views are my own.

The Teal Pumpkin Project: Making Halloween inclusive

This year I'm thinking about Halloween a bit differently - my thoughts are including food allergies, inclusivity and a Teal pumpkin. If you celebrate Halloween with your family I'd really like you to join me in that.

Since becoming a Mum, some of our festivals have taken on a difference significance to me - and to be honest I'd had Halloween filed away as one I probably didn't need to worry about (aside from a cute costume) for a few years. And then I realised that if Harry doesn't grow out of his allergies Halloween will not just need a cute costume, but a bottle of Piriton and a stash of Chamomile tea for me. I'll be that Mummy, sorting through his sweeties, telling him he can't have them and giving most of it to M. And that got me to thinking - he's not the only one with food allergies - what do the other mamas do?

Which is where Teal pumpkins come into play. In the US they're used to indicate that the house has non-food items that can be given out especially for children with food allergies. I've never seen it over here at all but would like to. So, I'm asking anyone who would normally put out a pumpkin, and have a bowl of sweeties for the trick or treaters to put out a second, Teal Pumpkin and have a second bowl of non food gifts. We're definitely not talking expensive things here - pop to the pound shop and stock up on some plastic goodies, but have something as an alternative if someone pops to your door dressed as a terrifying 5 year old witch but has a nut allergy. 

I used Dulux bathroom paint as I thought it'd be a bit more long wearing in the shade Teal touch (also it only cost £1.55 in B&Q). A tester pot did my little pumpkin beautifully. Of course you can carve yours, but I have a huge skills gap in the pumpkin carving arena! 

I'm asking you to join with me using Social Media - let's make 2015 the year Halloween becomes inclusive. Comment below and Tag me on Instagram Facebook or Twitter - using the hashtag #TealPumpkinProjectuk Show me your pumpkins - your treat bowls and lets all enjoy Halloween without the stress and worry. I'll share and retweet all I see and do a round up at the start of November to say thank you to everyone for joining in.