I've been an 'allergy mum' for a little over 2 years, and in that time we've dealt with what feels like so much. However - and no one prepares you for this - it just keeps coming. Things to learn, to teach Harry to manage himself (and that's a whole post in itself), new allergens, attitudes of others - be they people who mean well, or people who just don't get it. And I don't think at that appointment on the 25th November 2014 I really understood that. It was such a relief to have a diagnosis that didn't involve me being a rubbish mum that it didn't cross my mind that this was something that was going to continue growing far, far beyond excluding dairy and soya from my diet. That sounds terrible doesn't it? But aside from supporting Guides with food allergies (which I always took seriously - but, as we oh so often joke, I get to give them back at 8.30pm) I had really had no idea of the road we were heading down.
Anyway, I thought today I'd post a slightly tongue in cheek view of what we've encountered and learned thus far...
1. Cutlery, crockery, glassware, sippy cups - HOW many do you go through? I've always been hot on food hygiene, but me and potential cross contamination are not friends. Everything gets washed in the dishwasher on the hot setting. Chopping boards, knives, wooden spoons and spatulas all head that way if I'm in the least bit unsure. Whilst most of what we have in the house is safe - M and I do have dairy ourselves, more often than not, when Harry's not around. With the exception of milk in tea that is, no alternative milk has ever managed to make a proper cuppa.
2. There is nothing more likely to have me demonstrate my (non existent) athleticism, hurdling chairs and toys at playgroup in a bid to remove a stray biscuit from Harry's line of sight. Not a drop of grace is present in any of my limbs as I fling myself between Harry and the offending objects. And while we're talking about that...
3. Food in soft play, playgrounds etc. How often I want to be wildly unreasonable, and remove biscuits, chocolate, pretty much anything gripped in another toddler's sweaty paws before they're allowed to smear or spread said item around the play area. I know it's unreasonable, I do, I really do. But sometimes it would be nice to just be able to relax a bit.
4. It's not just nut allergies! From our standpoint - schools, nurseries, playgroups etc... all 'get' nut allergies. Which is awesome. If you have a nut allergy. We don't. Add to which a non-instant, reaction and I feel a bit like my explanations are falling on deaf ears.
5. People don't always have just one one food allergy. Lady in the cafe it's great that you can cater for someone who has either a dairy, egg, soya, strawberry or sesame allergy. But we have them all, and you can't do that. Which is fine, but then let me give my son his packed lunch.
6. And while we're at it a gluten free option is fabulous - it's not the same as a dairy free one! Which is also not the same as a lactose free one, although I'll let you have that as they're so similar.
7. There are some fabulous sources of calcium that aren't dairy based - but sardines and kale aren't up on Harry's favourite food lists - of course they aren't, why would they be?! So I spend hours on the internet, with recipe books, and pottering around in the kitchen trying to find palatable ways of hiding foods that will help him. It's not that he's a particularly fussy eater - he's just a toddler and if the day has a y in it, he'll find something different that's not being eaten today, despite being last week's food of choice. Peas, I'm looking at you.
8. The trials of allergy testing - in our PCT, until the age of 3, allergies are tested via so called 'Challenges' - you either try your child on something with a small amount of said allergen in, and build up to foods with greater quantities of that allergen. Basically, as a mother, I get to potentially give my child a food I spend most of the rest of my time avoiding for him, in order to challenge his allergy. There is little I enjoy less.
9. And I know I'm going to alienate a HUGE amount of people here, but some of those food writers- you know the ones, heavy on the use of buzzwords like wellness, clean eating, healthful and nourishing - who talk about intolerances because dairy makes them a bit bloated, or gluten is acidic, or sugar the devil... whatever the current default is. Those people make life SO hard for anyone with an actual food allergy by making them seem faddy and in turn making others take them less seriously. As soon as you see the heavenwards glance, the unsubtle eye roll, the sigh of despair when asking if there's soya in bread, it's time to leave. Because whilst you know it'll give your toddler eczema that bleeds through his pyjamas, projectile vomiting and nappies like something out of The Exorcist - that's not what people think of any more. And I know that some people have found a more balanced lifestyle following that kind of eating, but for us and so many families like us food allergies aren't about posting heavily edited photos of us doing headstands in the golden morning light. It's so that we don't see our child writhing in pain, we don't watch them come up in the hives that we're told can precede anaphylaxis, we don't want to have to prop their cot up so that the burning acid reflux stays in their tummy.
Well that one wasn't so lighthearted was it. Oops.
10. And the combination of pride, sadness and confidence when your toddler can say no to a biscuit because it might make him "poorly" or tells a friend he can't have "sova, mik, 'trawberries,egg" For me, that moment was at once heartbreaking and reassuring. And he can also now tell you that if Mummy gets bitten by a bee she needs her epi-pen.
And much like my post on 10 things I've learned in 21 months of breastfeeding, I couldn't just leave this at 10...
11. Having said all of the above - the utter joy at an evening on Pinterest discovering wonderful recipes (that you may or may not ever make) that are safe for your child is wonderful. The moments when you can tell that the allergen has finally left their system and finally breathe a sigh of relief. The weigh ins at the baby clinic when you're told that your tot has finally put on weight, or is finally tracking a centile line. The joy of finding a safe food or recipe that your child inhales. The relief when a mum from NCT or a playgroup leader goes out of their way to be inclusive and ensure there's a safe alternative to whatever food the other children are eating. There is a litany of small moments that as an allergy mum bring me joy, restore my faith in other people and make this whole journey we're on seem manageable, feel less isolating, and give me the confidence to keep on keeping on.
I'm adding this post to Free From Fridays this week, over at Le Coin de Mel
