We went for a walk in a deep, dark wood... Gruffalo spotting with the Forestry Commission

A few weeks ago we had an exciting day out with the Forestry Commission - Harry, one of his friends, M and I went Gruffalo spotting.

Like so many of our friends' children, Harry is a huge Gruffalo fan, we read both the Gruffalo and the Gruffalo's child pretty much daily, and I can now recite both stories (that's clearly a skill left by a long forgotten Drama degree). Our day out was to test the Grufallo spotter app, taking the lovely Gruffalo trails to a new level with the use of Augmented reality.

On a sunny but bitingly cold February day we donned snowsuits, puddlesuits, welly boots and thermals, ready for adventure to begin. The woods at Wendover are lovely and definitely somewhere you may find a Mouse going for a walk... Off we went, phones in hand (we downloaded the app beforehand), looking for clues that might help us find our Gruffalo.  As we wandered through the woods we found markers telling us we were getting closer to each character, then footprint signposts - holding the app up to these brings up a wonderful image of the relevant character that blends into the woodland, and excitingly, which your child can be a part of. That said, Harry struggled a little with the concept and desperately wanting to see the character while he was in the picture so there was a lot of running back and forth! It didn't diminish our day in the slightest, but I suspect older preschoolers would understand that better.

Harry loved Gruffalo spotting - and we're going to be heading back to Wendover in March for a return expedition. I would say that the trail is fairly long for a toddler - Harry walks everywhere these days but even he wanted his buggy by the end. And the sturdier your buggy, the better - whilst it's not an incredibly challenging trail, there is one significant hill and a fair old amount of going through woodland paths. When we were on Brownsea Island a year or so back, we borrowed a fantastic all terrain pushchair which would have been perfect for Wendover.

The lighter side of being an allergy mum: 10 things I now know

 I've been an 'allergy mum' for a little over 2 years, and in that time we've dealt with what feels like so much. However - and no one prepares you for this - it just keeps coming. Things to learn, to teach Harry to manage himself (and that's a whole post in itself), new allergens, attitudes of others - be they people who mean well, or people who just don't get it. And I don't think at that appointment on the 25th November 2014 I really understood that. It was such a relief to have a diagnosis that didn't involve me being a rubbish mum that it didn't cross my mind that this was something that was going to continue growing far, far beyond excluding dairy and soya from my diet. That sounds terrible doesn't it? But aside from supporting Guides with food allergies (which I always took seriously - but, as we oh so often joke, I get to give them back at 8.30pm) I had really had no idea of the road we were heading down.

Anyway, I thought today I'd post a slightly tongue in cheek view of what we've encountered and learned thus far...

1. Cutlery, crockery, glassware, sippy cups - HOW many do you go through? I've always been hot on food hygiene, but me and potential cross contamination are not friends. Everything gets washed in the dishwasher on the hot setting. Chopping boards, knives, wooden spoons and spatulas all head that way if I'm in the least bit unsure. Whilst most of what we have in the house is safe - M and I do have dairy ourselves, more often than not, when Harry's not around. With the exception of milk in tea that is, no alternative milk has ever managed to make a proper cuppa.

2. There is nothing more likely to have me demonstrate my (non existent) athleticism, hurdling chairs and toys at playgroup in a bid to remove a stray biscuit from Harry's line of sight. Not a drop of grace is present in any of my limbs as I fling myself between Harry and the offending objects. And while we're talking about that...

3. Food in soft play, playgrounds etc. How often I want to be wildly unreasonable, and remove biscuits, chocolate, pretty much anything gripped in another toddler's sweaty paws before they're allowed to smear or spread said item around the play area. I know it's unreasonable, I do, I really do. But sometimes it would be nice to just be able to relax a bit.

4. It's not just nut allergies! From our standpoint - schools, nurseries, playgroups etc... all 'get' nut allergies. Which is awesome. If you have a nut allergy. We don't. Add to which a non-instant, reaction and I feel a bit like my explanations are falling on deaf ears.

5. People don't always have just one one food allergy. Lady in the cafe it's great that you can cater for someone who has either a dairy, egg, soya, strawberry or sesame allergy. But we have them all, and you can't do that. Which is fine, but then let me give my son his packed lunch.

6. And while we're at it a gluten free option is fabulous - it's not the same as a dairy free one! Which is also not the same as a lactose free one, although I'll let you have that as they're so similar.

 7. There are some fabulous sources of calcium that aren't dairy based - but sardines and kale aren't up on Harry's favourite food lists - of course they aren't, why would they be?! So I spend hours on the internet, with recipe books, and pottering around in the kitchen trying to find palatable ways of hiding foods that will help him. It's not that he's a particularly fussy eater - he's just a toddler and if the day has a y in it, he'll find something different that's not being eaten today, despite being last week's food of choice. Peas, I'm looking at you.

8. The trials of allergy testing - in our PCT, until the age of 3, allergies are tested via so called 'Challenges' - you either try your child on something with a small amount of said allergen in, and build up to foods with greater quantities of that allergen. Basically, as a mother, I get to potentially give my child a food I spend most of the rest of my time avoiding for him, in order to challenge his allergy. There is little I enjoy less.

9. And I know I'm going to alienate a HUGE amount of people here, but some of those food writers- you know the ones, heavy on the use of buzzwords like wellness, clean eating, healthful and nourishing - who talk about intolerances because dairy makes them a bit bloated, or gluten is acidic, or sugar the devil... whatever the current default is. Those people make life SO hard for anyone with an actual food allergy by making them seem faddy and in turn making others take them less seriously. As soon as you see the heavenwards glance, the unsubtle eye roll, the sigh of despair when asking if there's soya in bread, it's time to leave. Because whilst you know it'll give your toddler eczema that bleeds through his pyjamas, projectile vomiting and nappies like something out of The Exorcist - that's not what people think of any more. And I know that some people have found a more balanced lifestyle following that kind of eating, but for us and so many families like us food allergies aren't about posting heavily edited photos of us doing headstands in the golden morning light. It's so that we don't see our child writhing in pain, we don't watch them come up in the hives that we're told can precede anaphylaxis, we don't want to have to prop their cot up so that the burning acid reflux stays in their tummy.

Well that one wasn't so lighthearted was it. Oops.

10. And the combination of pride, sadness and confidence when your toddler can say no to a biscuit because it might make him "poorly" or tells a friend he can't have "sova, mik, 'trawberries,egg" For me, that moment was at once heartbreaking and reassuring. And he can also now tell you that if Mummy gets bitten by a bee she needs her epi-pen.

And much like my post on 10 things I've learned in 21 months of breastfeeding, I couldn't just leave this at 10...

11. Having said all of the above - the utter joy at an evening on Pinterest discovering wonderful recipes (that you may or may not ever make) that are safe for your child is wonderful. The moments when you can tell that the allergen has finally left their system and finally breathe a sigh of relief. The weigh ins at the baby clinic when you're told that your tot has finally put on weight, or is finally tracking a centile line. The joy of finding a safe food or recipe that your child inhales. The relief when a mum from NCT or a playgroup leader goes out of their way to be inclusive and ensure there's a safe alternative to whatever food the other children are eating. There is a litany of small moments that as an allergy mum bring me joy, restore my faith in other people and make this whole journey we're on seem manageable, feel less isolating, and give me the confidence to keep on keeping on.

I'm adding this post to Free From Fridays this week, over at Le Coin de Mel

The reality of life with allergies: when, yes, a little does hurt

Sometimes I think that my online bright & breezy persona where it seems that Harry's allergies are entirely managed is somewhat disingenious.  For the most part they are, we have safe foods - which can be as specific as one brand of one product that doesn't cause a reaction, yet another will. We have safe places to eat if we're out and about. We have safe activities to do, and groups to go to. Yet, over the last couple of weeks I have fallen foul of my confidence (over confidence perhaps) in our lives.

Over the last month - 6 weeks or so, I've noticed the return of Harry's reflux; his sleep has been interrupted, he wakes early, and during the day you can hear it. Initially I put it down to the end of a virus, then a rotten cold, but the last few weeks have seen it getting worse. Then last Saturday we had a massive gastro-intestinal reaction and part of me broke. None of my carefully planned meals, recipes, dairy free spreads, cooking nearly everything from scratch and helicopter-like supervision had been enough and my baby was suffering from that.

Like any and all mums would, I blamed myself. I still do. I could have done better, kept him safer, been more vigilant. Only you know what? I don't think I could and this has been a massive learning experience for me. Harry is nearly 2 and a half, he's into EVERYTHING, as he should be. I don't wrap him in cotton wool or bubble wrap, I let him run, jump, explore, play and learn. And I strongly believe that's right, that I should, that he needs those experiences. I just wish, hope and pray that I can keep him safe.

We think we've identified one source of the reactions, the first being that our lovely volunteer at creche totally understood my explanation of "no milk, none whatsoever" but hadn't grasped, or I hadn't explained clearly that there is milk in biscuits, so my son had been gleefully inhaling a malted milk on a Friday morning. Of course he would - he's two and not allowed biscuits very often. It must have felt like Christmas! I'm not cross, it's just one of those things where people do misinterpret the severity of an allergy that doesn't cause anaphalyxis.  Whilst not the problem for us here, there is of course the perception that as the reaction is neither immediate, nor visual it's less serious and therefore a little won't hurt. It does. It really does.

The second reaction is proving harder to identify, I initially thought it was also biscuit related and that a product I'd thought to be dairy, egg and soya free was actually a may contain. But I checked with the brand and the recipe's not changed. So we've either been caught out by one of our 'safe' may contains - foods that themselves don't contain the allergen you're looking for, until they do. Until there's an incident of cross-contamination. Until their production line is changed. And my misplaced confidence  that they were safe then becomes just that. Misplaced. But, as we don't eat a great deal in the way of processed food, I can't actually identify what it might be. Which is leading us to the conclusion that it may, in fact be a new allergen. And at that point my heart fell. Is this what life is going to be? Every few years finding new allergens, while those around me tell me that 'he'll grow out of them by the time...' he starts nursery/ school/ university?

It's also raised for me the issue of nursery - it's less than a year until Harry gets his free hours, and I'd like to send him to nursery as a preparation for Reception. He's already a lovely, social boy, but I think the structure of a day or two in a nursery environment would be useful.  My years working in social care have meant that I sat down this morning and put together an Allergy focused One Page Profile. I've attached it as a Google document so you're welcome to download and use it yourself or share it with other friends or family that might find it useful. I'll certainly be sharing it with Guiding groups, as for volunteers who often don't get Allergy awareness training I suspect it'll be a useful resource. 

And now the reaction has reduced with 'just' the reflux remaining, it's time for me to stand up, dust myself down and carry on. I can't keep Harry at home with me all the time, and realistically I won't always be able to monitor everything he eats or drinks. Certainly if he doesn't grow out of his allergies I'm expecting a time when he'll challenge me on what he can and can't eat. But for now, with our recent experience fresh in my mind, I'm moving forwards with a renewed fervour that yes, a little does hurt. Be it one malted milk, one gingerbread man... it does, as we know only too well.

I'm adding this to #FreeFromFridays hosted this week by The Free From Farmhouse

10 things I learned in 21 months of breastfeeding

Our breastfeeding journey ended shortly after Harry turned 21 months: a huge period of stress meant that my letdown was severely affected and Harry chose to self wean. I still feel conflicted about it - like I should have persevered, or done something to make it better but in actual fact I was a little relieved. Don't get me wrong, I loved feeding Harry - and the bond we share from that is so special, but I was ready to stop. And that's important - breastfeeding is a relationship and both parties have to be happy with it for it to be successful.

I am incredibly proud of my achievement however. I worked so, so hard to establish breastfeeding, and then to eliminate all Harry's allergens from my diet. Obviously it's no more than millions of women all over the world do every day, but for me it was something I wanted to do and something I'm happy I persevered at.

Over the 21 months I fed Harry, I learnt loads - about my body, and about his. It's a shame some of that knowledge isn't on the curriculum in schools as it would have been far more useful to me than trigonometry has ever proven to be (I can assure you my husband is gasping in shock at that statement). I thought I'd collect some of that knowledge here today to pass it on, in the spirit of 'it takes a village to raise a child' It's just this village is virtual.

1. Breastfeeding is hard. At first. Give it at least 6 weeks to get latch and positioning sorted. Give yourself that time to adjust - it's a whole new skill that you and the baby have to learn, and quickly. After (roughly) six weeks it gets massively easier, and then at three months most people hit their stride. Harry was born in June and by October we were off shields and feeding on demand as, when and where necessary.  
2. Netflix/ Amazon Prime/ Iplayer/ All 4/ Box sets are your friend. Furnish yourself with plenty and cwtch down for the ride. Personally I skipped over the kind of programmes that teach you things, or that enable self reflection or personal development and went straight for the trash: Vampire diaries, Once upon a Time, Orange is the New Black, Lucifer, The Following, Man in the High Castle, Outlander, Big Bang Theory and Melissa and Joey. Yes, trash. 
3. I didn't really get on with nursing covers - I always felt it drew attention to what I was doing in a way I didn't really want. However, massive muslins were my friend if I did feel that it was more appropriate to cover up a bit - at least until Harry was about 5 months old and played peekaboo with the vicar at church with it. And yes, he was latched on at the time. 
4. Nursing clothes - a lot of the time I just popped a vest top under whatever shirt, t-shirt or jumper I wanted to chuck on. That said, I had a few nursing tops - including a beautiful one from Frugi, that really did help with feeding in public and feeling more comfortable. I like stripes, but beware that for some reason people that make nursing clothes thing all breastfeeding mothers are blooming in Breton! 
5. Advice - now, ironically I guess as I'm giving advice here (well - I prefer to think of it as sharing knowledge) I found it helpful to smile, nod and ignore a lot of the (unsolicited) advice I was given. It's worth remembering that if you're in your thirties like me, our mother's generation were educated by health professionals who were heavily encouraged to push formula. The perception that scientific formula had to be better than breast milk was (and sadly, is) very common. La leche league, NCT and our breastfeeding support workers were where I got good advice from. Midwives, well meaning friends and relatives, people on the bus less so. Do your own research, seek out support. 
6. Babies have tiny, tiny tummies - in the early days it's the same size as a marble. This means that they need to fill it frequently, as it empties quickly. This is not a sign that your milk isn't good enough, or that you're not producing enough. Babies are supposed to feed all the time. The reason we don't think this is because of the history in the UK of formula, given in too large quantities, stretches baby's tummy. This takes a long time to break down, so they sleep heavily while their body focuses on doing that. If you're formula feeding, which is both a necessary and entirely valid choice (not that you need me to tell you that) for many, many women - please consider looking up paced feeding. 
7. Your supply increases when your baby makes it. So, in the early days you'll suddenly have a day, pinned to the sofa when baby wants to feed for hours (or for ever). What he's doing is putting in his order for the days to come. Telling your body, he's growing and needs more milk. You then produce milk in larger quantities for him. How amazing is that! So cluster feeds are nothing to do with you not producing enough milk - but your little one's way of ensuring you are. 
8. Your diet does not have to be perfect - far from it. Eat what you can, when you can. Sure a diet of Dominoes and Macdonalds isn't going to do anyone any favours in the long term, but contrary to what people tell us - it doesn't affect your milk which is actually made from our blood not our digestive system. Drink plenty of fluids, eat regularly and keep on feeding. 
9. You can have a drink. Now I'm not talking about binge drinking on a Friday night, but if you'd like a glass of wine, or a G&T or a pint of cider you can. There is more alcohol in an orange than in your breastmilk after an alcoholic drink. Drink responsibly - you're caring for a baby after all, and need to ensure you're safe to do so. But a glass of wine with your dinner won't hurt baby. There's also no need after that drink to 'pump and dump' as previously believed. 
10. It's actually really rare (in my experience) at least that people comment on breastfeeding in public. I've fed in church, on a train, in too many coffee shops and cafes to count, at Wembley stadium, in a Slimming World meeting, at Carfest, on the beach, on Brownie holiday and Guide camp, and in several meetings about redundancy.  No one has ever commented to me, or even in my hearing. The worst thing I ever had was at a friend's wedding when the staff suggested (when I asked if there was anywhere comfortable I could breastfeed) that I used the accessible toilet. No thank you.
11. OK. I know I said 10, but I forgot about this. Enjoy this time. Now I know that breastfeeding isn't the only way to bond with your baby, but it's one on one time you have together. Time you can't get back - now with a rampaging toddler, who never sits still  - I miss those quiet moments, just drinking Harry in from the top of his head to the tips of his eyelashes to his tiny toes. He used to hold onto my finger while feeding and at that moment, nothing else in life mattered. Nothing. 

Why not pin this post for later?

December favourites

This post is a bit late owing to my inability to remember that a monthly favourites post needs writing up, well - monthly. 

December was a busy month work wise, and with Christmas as well it seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. But, there was still time for favourites - some old, some new and some... somewhere in between. 

Tea - I drink a lot of tea. More than I care to admit, especially if I'm working from home. My sister and her husband got M and I drinking Yorkshire Tea for hard water, it really does seem to work with the horridly hard water we have in London. 

Russett apples - I love Russetts, as soon as I see them in the shops I put them in my basket. One of the most oft heard complaints from me as we go around the supermarket is that there are no good apples. I hate the imported, pappy, flavourless apples that seem to be so popular these days. Most of the year I eat Cox's but can't wait for the crispy balance of sweet and tart that is a russett. To me, they're real apples. And no, I can't believe I've written a paragraph praising an apple either. What was even better was that these were from Sainsbury's Basics range - proof again that this range is such good value. 

Amaretto - last month I talked about spiking my hot chocolate with this liquer and this month I've been mixing it up with Gluwhein (from Aldi - I love their German Christmas treats) as a festive treat. 

My mum (not photographed) - while I was doing my "Don't panic it's just a roast" Christmas posts, she was there reminding me of things that I'd forgotten over the course of year, and giving me hints and tips to include - she really was a favourite last month! 

Pulses - split peas, cannellini beans, lentils... you name it. In the name of making sure that Christmas wasn't too costly I've been bulking our meals out so that I can use less meat and more vegetables without M feeling deprived of protein. 

So that's it. December favourites from the pantry. An oddly unfestive round up from me. Was there anything you enjoyed cooking or cooking with last month?